This was it. This week the defining moment of my life, the bone marrow transplant. The only thing saving my life although it may seem like it's destroying it now. I am in the ICU and had to have my transplant in the ICU. My blood pressure goes really high and then falls very low at times and the nurses and doctors feel more comfortable with me in the ICU. I don't enjoy being in the ICU. There is a lot of light, it's hard to get sleep and this is my second time down here during this stay. It's scary, I am on the NICU so I am surrounded by a bunch of babies that were born with heart deformities, which breaks my own. I couldn't feel the marrow going into me. It was just like a regular blood transfusion except a life changing one. I haven't been sick for a long time, but it feels like a lifetime. I know it's too soon to even be able to tell if it's going to work but I hope it does. A life without waking up at 6 am to go get blood draws, get to where I need to be, only to receive a phone call that my counts are dangerously low and I need to leave where I am and drive two hours for transfusions seems absurd! Not missing weeks at a time to stay in the hospital for five days because of a neutropenic fever and then go home for two days only to return for another five days, due to another neutropenic fever. This new life will be filled with Gods desire for my life and I have never been more sure that it's His voice that I want to follow. These worldly things mean so little to me now. Worrying about college parties to fit in or drinking and experimenting on the stupid things in life, when I can be extraordinary. When I can travel anywhere and help someone in need, show them the love of Jesus. That is what will matter at the end of my life and I want to be able to say I accomplished that. And because of my donor I will be able to.
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April 2017
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